Lost Items, Lapses of Memory, and Not Seeing What is Right in Front of Me

I found it.

I couldn’t find this picture when I was writing Little Rockers. My pictures are a mess.

Holding Cousin Cherie

And I found this picture of Grandma Abbie after I published Amana Rocking Chairs.

Abbie in her Amana rocker

It was taken when my grandmother had moved to an assisted living apartment. She usually smiled for pictures. I don’t think she was ready.

I’ve been corrected.

When I wrote about My Big Tall Italian Wedding Cake, I made at least one mistake. Dad(Jim) tells me that, although he was already in Odessa, TX at the time of my wedding, Mom and my sisters were still in Clovis, NM, which makes Mom even more of a super mom – driving my wedding cake and my three little sisters the six hours to Waco during the time she was preparing to sell our house and make a move. Dad drove in separately.

And on the subject of faulty memory…. I write many of my personal memories here. I believe them to be true. Maybe they’re not. You might want to read You Can’t Trust Memory! from the Heart and Craft of Life Writing blog.

I’ll just keep writing like I remember it. I hope people will comment or otherwise tell me their version of the story!!!

Here’s the picture to prove it.

The day Dad(Jerry) and I were in Bethel Cemetery, we couldn’t find the headstone for Ann Rutledge’s mother. Dad returned a few months later with cousins Alice and Adele and they found it right off the bat. Here’s a picture they took.

Grave of Ann Rutledge, Bethel Cemetery, Van Buren Co., Iowa

I know I looked on that row. How could I have missed the tall headstone with a GAR marker?

The sun was really bright that day.

Thankful Day After Thursday

I’ve been MIA for the last couple of weeks and it’s time to start blogging again.

To get back into the swing of things, I’m doing a Thankful Thursday post a day late. And since I’m feeling out of practice, I’ll go with a top 10 list. If you decide you have better things to do than read what I’m thankful for, it’s okay.  I’ll understand. But you might miss something.

Just sayin’….

10. The faithful and talented lead teacher of our ESL class has been overwhelmed since her father’s death a few months ago and thought she might need to give up preparing lessons. But once she got if off of her chest, we made a plan and she doesn’t have to give it up and I don’t have to take on as many additional responsibilities as I feared. Woo hoo! for both of us!

9. While not blogging this past week, I made a trip to Mom and Dad’s. I got to see an aunt and uncle I don’t see often, as well as my sisters, nephews and nieces. I ate a lot. Visited a lot. Gained a couple of pounds. Loved the people I love.

8. My Mother-in-law lives a little less than half-way to my parents’ home, so I can break up my drive and spend the night with her and save my back. Really, really thankful!

7. Even though mom has dementia, she still knows all of us and still has her sense of humor. She lost her balance a little and kind of leaned into dad and said, “I fell for you!” and chuckled.

6. I found a stenographer’s pad that mom used to start writing a family history – mostly her memories. I took it out under the carport, lay it on the hood of the car and snapped a picture of each page. Can’t wait to read it.

5. So thankful for my amazing dad(Jim) and his loving care and devotion to mom! (But did he have to look grumpy in all the pictures?)

4. iPad + blog = time spent sitting with mom and looking through pictures of family.

3. Dad was looking for mom’s meatloaf recipe and I could say, “I have it on my blog, let me get it for you!”

2. Arrived home safely yesterday afternoon and had dinner with friends. Our mutual friend has moved out of state and we got together because she was in town. And – this sweet friend subscribes to my blog (and leaves me comments!) even though she doesn’t know anyone in my family. Thanks Danita! So thankful for these friends!

And the #1 thing I am thankful for:

One hour before the stroke of midnight on the eve of my 59th birthday, this blog reconnected me to someone I had met only once – 50 years ago. We are both amazed. If nothing else comes of this blog, it’s ok because someone missing from my life for fifty years has been found. I’m not ready to write about it yet. It will come in time.

 

 

An Excuse, An English Lesson, and Memories Shared

It’s been a little quiet here recently.

One reason for the lack of posts is my volunteer job. I teach English as a Second (or Other) Language at my church twice a week. We have a fantastic lead teacher who prepares all the lessons, and all the rest of us have to do is show up and work through the lesson with a small group of students.

Well, our fantastic leader is on vacation and she left me in charge. She gave me some lessons from a couple years ago (she’s recycling) that I could use – but they “need some work,” she said. I knew that any changes I made would not improve her lessons, so I decided to write my own instead.

I am not a trained teacher – I just stumbled my way into this. Preparing a lesson takes me a lot of time. So I’ve been writing lessons rather than blog posts.

I think I’ve found a way to recycle a blog post into an English lesson and then recycle that lesson into a blog post. Lazy?  Or brilliant?

The Spit-Up Chair

If you are a regular reader here, you know that I have a few posts that I refer to as “Chair Memories.” I decided to use my cousin’s poem, “The Gold Recliner” as the starting point for yesterday’s ESL lesson. Then I took an excerpt from my memory of “The Spit-Up Chair” to expand on the idea of an object that evokes a memory.

I was concerned that the sadness of the poem could be upsetting to some of our students who have suffered losses. A few of our students are refugees from war-torn countries. Others have grieved the loss of loved ones, as we all do. And I didn’t want the morning to be depressing, so I tried to “soften” things a bit by adding discussion questions about memories elicited by music, or a smell – and whether or not one has a good or bad memory…. that kind of thing.

The last part of the lesson asked the students to write about an object that holds memories for them and to share the story with their group.

I am sorry to report that I made Mrs. Li cry.

As Mrs. Li, an older woman from China, told us about the china tea cup (a real Chinese china tea cup) given to her by her younger brother who has since died, tears began to roll down her cheeks. I wasn’t sure if she could finish, but she did.

A woman from Mexico, here in town to visit her grandson, told us that her grandson reminds her of her son when he was a baby and that her wedding ring brings back many happy memories surrounding her wedding.

A young woman from Korea read her story of a pair of white athletic shoes – a gift from her boyfriend (now husband)… how the left shoe was too tight but then stretched to fit perfectly; how she would not wear the shoes in the rain or on unpaved surfaces; how she met her fitness goals in these shoes; and how she lost the left shoe. No longer in possession of the left shoe, she threw the right shoe away.

I think I saw tears begin to well in her eyes as she talked about a pair of athletic shoes.

A woman from Russia related memories of her first days in school and the kindness of her teacher.

A man from Mexico told us about his first watch – a gift for his 8th birthday. He was so proud of his watch with the Roman numerals on the clock face that he was constantly reporting the time to anyone within earshot. Eventually the watch needed a new wristband – and his mother accidentally lost the watch.

A young man from Spain told us about summers spent at his grandmother’s house in a small village and the good times he had there.

A young mother from Japan told us about a trip she took to Cambodia with her American friend (he was just her friend!). They visited the Killing Fields. They volunteered at a school where they taught a little Japanese and English to the children. To thank them, some children reached up and picked leaves from a coconut tree and formed them into two rings, then placed the rings on the ring finger of her left hand and her friend’s left hand. It was then that they knew they were to be more than friends. Now they are married with one child and another on the way.

An older man from Vietnam arrived very late to class. The other students were already writing so I gave him a quick summary of what he had missed and what the students were doing. He sat and thought while the others wrote. After the students had shared their stories, I asked if he wanted to share a memory. “No. I try to forget. Not good for me to remember. Like her (nodding to Mrs. Li), I would cry,” he said.

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Photo Credit: Coconut Flower by Mohammad Mahdi Karim/Wikipedia/Creative Commons Licence